Tel Aviv Goes Gaga for Human Santa-pede

Another Christmas, another season of boring holiday parties with office drones and/or in-laws whose merry-making skills could put you less than an eggnog away from wanting to part with small sums of cash just to watch reruns of The Facts of Life Goes to Australia for the um, first time - but not in Tel Aviv. The Israeli capital of fun and sun (if a bit less of the latter this time of year) is gearing up for a bevy of holiday parties, especially in club land. At the alternative rock Sublime Club (53 Shalama St. tel. 052-6171469), for example, on Dec. 22, mysterious Helga welcomes the "human santa-pede" as DJs Doris, Idan and Kuki spin their bodacious beats.

Bear in mind that New Year's Eve in Tel Aviv is a bigger deal than Xmas and if you anticipate a night on the town that begins at one of the city's hottest 22 restaurants, consider making that reservation now.

On another Christmas-y note, it is distressing to hear that the Pope is a little under the weather. Since he owes so much of his vocation to the Holy Land, I recommend that he take the four-hour sleigh ride from Rome to Tel Aviv Tuesday for DJ Nati Natan's Hanukkah party at Apolo, Tel Aviv's newest gay bar, for some Judas remixes and ecumenical high jinks to fortify that Christmas Mass straight talk we await all year. In the spirit of clean, all-purpose holiday cheer.